Living Alone | Vol. I Living With Yourself

You are in fact not living alone – you are living with yourself.

The chances are you have never had to live by yourself. There has always been someone else in your home. You may have spent time by yourself, but not lived by yourself.

It is something, especially women, should do- even if it just a for a few months.

People, not just women, are too busy reflecting and vibrating off of others to really know who they are. I’m constantly viewing other women through my eyes, and viewing me through hers- and it would be naive to think that it wouldn’t affect our behaviour.

So when you remove yourself from that chaos, of looking in and out at the same time, you can truly be yourself.

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For me, I plan. Not just plan, but worry.

There’s a whole procedure before I got to sleep. Each window has to be locked, then checked, curtains drawn, then moved to check the locks. The door has a firm tug to make sure it has locked.

Until I’ve done that I can’t sleep.

On the other hand, with planning I keep a good budget. My food is prepared and balanced. I’ve not missed a bill. My flat is cleaner then when I got the keys. And I did all that by myself.

It’s that thrill when you wake up on your day off knowing that you did it, by yourself.

There is something I do recommend though.

Coming from a busy home in the countryside, there was no real thing as silence. In my flat, squashed between three various listed buildings, the silence of the old structures is literally unnerving.

Upon moving in I slept badly, I couldn’t hear my cat charging round the house, I couldn’t hear the birds, or even the wind.

It was just too sterile.

One night I awoke with start to a noise, my sleep deprived state assumed that logically it was spiders. Not only that, they were coming to kill me through the aeration vent next to my bed. So when I got up in the morning my metal bed had been dragged two foot away from the wall to prevent them evil spiders succeeding. Turns out, when I had made the bed I had some how left a receipt in there.

I would like to say that was the only time something alarmed me so. It wasn’t.

Now I use a series of apps with ambient noise- and it helps beyond getting sleep.

Netflix doesn’t hurt either.

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