So if you know Belov’d and I personally you’d know that we met over the Interwebs. For the first year and ten months of our relationship was over Skype, Facebook, and other IM sites and apps. Now coming up to ten months of actually being in the same timezone, and home, our relationship has changed.
Back when we first met Belov’d was still teaching over in America. First in Virginia then over to Wyoming. Working out time differences, class schedules, and work shifts was a part of our relationship. The same as any long-distance relationship.
This was made all the more difficult as Belov’d isn’t keen on smart devices. So we could only communicate when he was on his PC. The Interwebs is a great device for long distance relationships. We were able to share experiences and thoughts easily, either over video chat or messages and emails.
I’d happily argue that time in a long distance relationship is about twice, if not three times, the quality time, and relationship quality of a typical one. When you’re in an LDR there is much more effort put into communicating, visiting, and actually dating the other person. We’re not the most extreme case, nor are we the most traditional either. Though going through this, at this stage or another, in my mind creates a stronger bond than a typical ‘next door’ relationship.
Multiple times I was asked why I didn’t date someone local. In short, they weren’t what I was looking for- and I wasn’t what they were looking for. I was prepared to live the rest of my life as a cat lady (crazy or otherwise). I didn’t see why I should have to change myself for someone, especially when I was with them due to social pressure rather than actual attraction. I’ve seen and known, so many women stay in horrible relationships as they would rather be sad and hate their other half then face being single.
Not I. Not me. No thank you.
I would happily wait for a man, or woman, that liked me for me and I liked them then date Kevin three doors down. If waiting meant that I would never find them- fine. I would never find them. At least I would be happy with myself and my life- then hate who I supposedly loved.
Right as I was preparing my life of singledom Belov’d and I found each other. We built a relationship over a shared interest, which developed into a genuine feeling of attraction, then we started our LDR. Every relationship is different, LDR ones more so. In general, it’s about finding time for each other, remembering little things, and one that often goes overlooked – they don’t have to spend every spare minute with you.
These points have been confirmed more so since Belov’d moved in with me earlier this year. We have a long-standing tradition of sharing Pusheen images with each other and reading the latest John Crace article. We continue this today, even at work, we send cat images back and forth with our work discussions. We’ve always given each other the room to do our own things. We have had to make compromises. I’m used to cooking and preparing food my way, and Belov’d another. He’s learnt to embrace my rain noises at night, we even take turns in choosing them at night.
There are still sometimes I’m surprised to wake up with him next to me. I know that we’re lucky that we clicked together so easily. Realistically during the year and ten months of LRD we had five weeks of actually being together. Even then one of the other of us were on holiday so it wasn’t a true idea of living together.
Of course, we’ve had our arguments and spiteful words. Then we talk it over, apologise, and continue. An example would be a specific cooking pan. I came home to find Belov’d using a specific plan, it’s a small Tefal beauty that I adore. Unfortunately, he was trying to cook far too much in the pan whilst trying to turn it with a large wooden spatula. We had a bit of a tiff when I tried to explain the volume of food, suitable implements and flame size to use with it. Sadly, it flared back up and shortly afterwards I put my foot down. It was not acceptable for him to talk to me like that- especially when I had been civil about the matter. It was difficult for me to say that kind of thing. I hate confrontation. It had to be said, though. He understood though, especially as we were both calmer this time around, and now the air is cleared.
Like any relationship, LDR or not, clear communication is a big element.
We’re coming up on year three, and I’m just as in love with him as the day I met him.